Cultivating a Healthy Relationship With Our Feelings and Emotions

Tamara Low

- Certified EFT
- Pranic Healer

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on email
Share on linkedin

I find feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and emotions to be such interesting and mysterious facets of our shared human experience. Feelings and emotions are always communicating something to us-guiding us, directing us, giving us clues, feedback and insights as to our inner workings, and in relation to others, and the world around us. Highly Sensitive People and Empaths tend to feel feelings and emotions at an even deeper level and intensity, which brings its own uniqueness and/or challenges. 

For numerous reasons, we each have varying degrees of acceptance and comfort with our feelings and emotions. This stems in large part from our early experiences- how the expression (or lack thereof) was modeled to us as children and in our early surroundings. My intention is to take a look at the ways in which our feelings and emotions get stifled, blocked or shut down, what happens when this happens, and how we can learn to cultivate a coherent and free-flowing relationship with this emotional part of us. 

Difficulty in Processing our Feelings and Emotions

If we experienced early trauma, abuse, neglect, belittling, being shamed, unkindness etc. we then form beliefs about ourselves, our worth and worthiness; and about others and the world around us. For example, “I am not worthy of being treated kindly and respectfully”; “people are not safe/the world is not safe”; or my feelings and emotions are too much or inconvenient for others”, therefore it is not safe to express them. Then, we often judge ourselves for feeling a certain way that we deem or have deemed unacceptable to others, which adds layers of shame and guilt to the mix. 

We can, and often do, internally respond by rejecting or disowning a part or parts of ourselves in the attempt to adapt to our surroundings; to be or become who we think we should be, should do, or should feel. In the case of codependency, we can become hyper- aware of making sure that “others” needs are met and placed before our own.  

Additionally, we might not know what or how we feel, or why we might feel a certain way. Our feelings and emotions can become stifled or blocked; which is not natural as they are mechanisms that are designed to try and protect us. We might view feelings as weak- and try to hide them from others. This can leave us unable to accept, acknowledge, feel and process or recognize our true feelings and emotions/emotional state! 

Our inner emotional terrain can become a VERY complicated and confusing place to navigate, which can (and does) impact us in large ways, some in which we might not even be aware. Blocked and unexpressed emotions can deeply and profoundly impact us and our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health. Emotional pain or struggle is a block or disruption in our body’s energy system and they are stored in our energy system, that is until we can move, express, acknowledge, heal and process them. 

Connecting with, Processing and Expressing our Emotions

Many of us have or do deeply struggle in this area and can hold much shame for this very struggling! We may never have learnt how to have a healthy relationship with our inner world of feelings and emotions, yet we might feel that we should just know how! I feel that we need to be kind and gentle with ourselves as we navigate this new territory. 

In 2011, Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT, or “Tapping”) re- appeared in my own life. It is my feeling that it is an extremely powerful tool, or a guide, to process past or present painful, confusing, and difficult emotions/stuck energy and trauma. It can help us cut through confusion and cultivate clarity; to figure out what we are feeling or why we are/were feeling it; and help us to figure out things like what we might need to do (for us) and come to an acceptance- place with it. Due to the accumulation of many difficult and painful life experiences, I felt like I was no longer all by myself, in the vast desert wasteland of feelings and emotions; and it offered me/and still offers me a saving grace. 

Safety  

Unfortunately, it is not always safe to share our feelings and emotions with certain people, who might not have our best interest at heart. Being able to safely and honestly share and express our feelings and emotions- our intimate, inner world, with safe, kind, and compassionate people can be so important and healing. When we accept and are at peace with our feelings and emotions, magical things can happen. When we feel heard and understood, our ability to deeply and honestly connect and share with others (and the world) can become greatly enhanced. We can then learn to trust ourselves with our feelings and emotions and begin to no longer push them away or judge them. 

End Summary 

Our feelings, emotions, and body sensations are our messengers, guides, a road map, even though it does not always seem that way. They hold so much wisdom and lead us to places that need attention, understanding, acknowledgement, care and healing. They also can and do alert us to certain people and situations that may not be good for us – that we need to stay clear of. It’s when we listen and honour them and ourselves, beautiful things can happen. 

I have very deep compassion and understanding for those who have or have had to (through no fault of their own) develop a wary, mistrustful and fearful attitude towards their feelings and emotions. THIS, is the reason I have chosen to dedicate my life and time, through EFT and, personally, to honesty, truth, realness, openness etc.; also, to curiously welcome and to talk about feelings, our shared humanity, and internal struggles. When the shame, hiding and judgement around our feelings and emotions subsides, we can then be free, peaceful and safe to be as well as express who we are! 

Learning to trust, honour, welcome, befriend, heal, acknowledge, accept, and be curious about our feelings and emotions is a choice, a courageous and brave one in my eyes- which takes time and patience, but it is so worth it! If we desire to feel whole and truly alive, this is part of our growth, as well as learning how to embrace being fully human!  

Warmly, 

Tamara

Sign Up For New Articles

Receive by email the latest empathic articles and education.

Internal Exploration Questions
General

These questions are just for you to ponder. You can fill it out and save it for your interest if you like. They can help us to get to the root of what is keeping us from TRUE us and our most authentic expression (which can often get buried for many reasons).

Click one of the buttons below and download your fillable PDF to your desktop. You can then fill in the form on your desktop and save it or print it out. If you experience any issues while filling in your form download Abode Acrobat Reader. It is a free software to help you properly use fillable PDF forms.

Internal Exploration Questions
Codependency

These questions are just for you to ponder. You can fill it out and save it for your interest if you like. They can help us to get to the root of what is keeping us from TRUE us and our most authentic expression (which can often get buried for many reasons).

Click the button below and download your fillable PDF to your desktop. You can then fill in the form on your desktop and save it or print it out. If you experience any issues while filling in your form, download Abode Acrobat Reader. It is a free software to help you properly use fillable PDF forms.

Price List

 

*All prices are in Canadian dollars

Codependent Free

A brief summary of Codependency (more in “Education")

Codependency is created by our attachment trauma. During the first 3 years of life, we need to feel safe and secure with our parents or caregivers. Arielle Swartz says, “this allows us to develop a healthy sense of self that forms the foundation for our ability to develop meaningful, healthy relationships with others.” If we experience fear, unpredictability, uncertainty, neglect, rage, indifference, abuse, emotional unavailability, etc., the natural attachment process is disrupted, causing trauma, resulting in deep and lasting challenges for those that have experienced it (until it’s dealt with).

Jason Breyer describes Codependency as “a psychological and behavioural condition based on faulty programming and emotional wounds, which affects someone’s capacity to have healthy, mutually satisfying relationships.” Stacy Hoch describes Codependency as an image disorder built on the idea and belief that you should be more concerned with what others think of you than what you think of you, the idea that I do not exist without others’ validation and trying to fill inner voids vicariously by filling others. She says, for others’ sake, the Codependent harms themselves and Narcissist for the sake of themselves harm other people. If left unchecked, the pattern of Codependency may be passed from one generation to the next. See “What is Codependency?”, and “Healing and Understanding Codependency.”

Codependency Programming (but not limited to):

Codependency programming ensures that our identity, love, validation, approval, peace, and sense of safety is solely reliant on others. We falsely believe that other people and situations are responsible for our happiness or lack thereof. We completely abandon ourselves and our wounded and deeply afraid inner child(ren) for the sake of others. This can feel like an emotional, psychological, and physical prison that may come to feel like this is how things will always be, that it’s somehow our fate. In summary, its:  

-An external dependency on others for acceptance, validation, approval, and to feel good about ourselves. 

-Not having your own solid identity, becoming void of ourselves for the sake of someone else.

How it may show itself- coping mechanisms

-We seek permission from others. 

-Our self-esteem is validated by what we do and by others’ opinions of us. 

-We can struggle to meet our own needs. 

-Asserting oneself is almost impossible.

-We create behaviours that assist in denying, ignoring or preventing difficult emotions. 

-Can be very self-destructive and self-sabotaging as being self-abusive is what we were taught. 

-Codependents often isolate themselves- deep core shame and loneliness is at the heart of this.

Healing

There are many wonderful ways, tools, techniques, books, online videos, classes, therapies, therapists, modalities, support groups, etc. available to assist us in learning and understanding Codependency and to help heal its deep and many layers! The energetic hold of Codependency programming is strong. To heal, attachment trauma needs to be addressed and inner child work (I encourage you to seek out those that specialize in these areas for support) and identify deep unconscious programming, beliefs, behaviours, and thoughts. I believe that this is the level that Energy Psychology (Emotional Freedom Techniques) really shines! I am extremely passionate about assisting others in addressing the deep energetic layers of Codependency.

If you are interested in a list of, “Codependent Thoughts and Beliefs to Tap On” (Emotional Freedom Techniques can be also referred to as “Tapping”) please email me and I will send that to you.

If  you are interested in more about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse see “What is Narcissism?, “How to Understand and Identify Narcissistic Abuse”, and “Healing from Narcissistic Abuse.

**My writing is geared towards Empaths and Highly Sensitive People, but it is ultimately for anyone desiring to learn, grow, heal and explore

References:

  • BREYER, JASON. Empath – A Highly Sensitive Person – Develop your gift, use emotional intelligence to turn your high sensitivity into a superpower: Overcome negative mindsets and master your social skills . Kindle Edition.
  • Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT, Ross. The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap . Morgan James Publishing. Kindle Edition. 
  • Schwartz, Arielle Dr. Complex PTSD and Attachment Trauma (article). Oct 2019. 

Areas of Interest, Services and Goals

Areas of Interest:

I am passionate about assisting Empaths and Highly Sensitive  People in the areas of our lives that hold us back from our TRUE selves, passions and calling(s). My goal is to:

  • Assist in removing, eliminating and clearing the energetic blocks, hurt, pain and fear that keep us from our true selves, and our hopes, goals, dreams and desires.
  • Assist others with emotional pain; including  Narcissistic Abuse, and with their unique challenges and struggles.
  • Assist others in exploring, eliminating, and dismantling old limiting patterns and belief systems that keep us stuck, hidden and in pain (e.g. beliefs that we took on or were taught about ourselves as children).
  • Assist others in recognizing, identifying and healing Codependent belief systems and the multitude of ways that Codependency affects us, impacts us, impedes us, and holds us back, e.g. keeping us small, hidden and invisible.
  • Offer energetic and educational support for Empaths and Highly Sensitive People.

Under “About”, see Internal Inquiry Questions, such as, “What is getting in the way of your truest and deepest expression?”, and an Internal Inquiry Questions about Codependency. 

The Ultimate Goal

Living a life that is in line with TRUE us.

Being whole, happy, energetic, vibrant, and free.

Achieving and perusing our true and deepest desires (despite what anyone thinks).

Reconnecting with our TRUE self and locating our TRUE- est and DEEPEST calling.

Celebrating Empathy and the gifts of High Sensitivity.  

Developing kindness, gentleness and compassion towards ourselves.

**This is a process. We can take daily steps toward achieving these goals.

My Services

I offer support for those that desire to explore their inner world to excavate their TRUE self and their deepest and truest goals, passions and desires; for those that desire to go on an emotional wellness scavenger hunt, to clean the old clutter and find the true gem that is YOU.

Pranic Psychotherapy is Pranic Healing applied in energetically preventing and treating Psychological ailments, where stress is at the root. This is where I like to focus on. Pranic Healing works with the chakra system and the auric layers.

Emotional Freedom Techniques works with the meridian system to clear energetic blocks or disruptions that get in the way of our health (physical and emotional). It is one of the MOST powerful somatic (body) release techniques.

Emotional Freedom Techniques and Pranic Healing both assist in regulating our Nervous System. 

Welcome to Empathic Heart Healing

Empaths and Highly Sensitive People (HSP’s) have unique ways of experiencing, feeling, sensing, observing, perceiving, processing, and absorbing the world. They feel things deeply; including love, beauty and joy, pain, hurt, and sorrow.

Emotional pain or struggle is a block or disruption in our body’s energy system and can stem from countless places, unique to you and your situation. My passion is to assist Empaths and HSP’s in understanding, accessing and releasing the root cause (feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and emotions) of the energy block(s) or disturbances. Codependency is just one manifestation of emotional pain, an example of how our TRUE selves can get buried, hidden (at the beginning of our lives), and stay this way until it is safe to re-emerge.

Other avenues might be narcissistic abuse, heartache/heartbreak, infertility, low self-esteem, rejection (initially from others- and then towards ourselves), neglect, and you can insert your experience(s) here. When we are in emotional pain, there are corresponding feelings such as shame, sadness, grief, guilt, fear, loneliness, anger, isolation, and despair, to name a few. Our body gives us clues through feelings and sensations about what is happening within us and how we feel around others and in certain environments.

Emotional Freedom Techniques, also called EFT, or “Tapping” can assist us in identifying, releasing, clearing, and healing the energetic and emotional blocks, beliefs, fears, and barriers that limit us and keep us stuck, small, and hidden, so that we can access and get re-in touch with our deepest, fullest, truest and most authentic expression- as well as deep inner peace, vibrant health, light-heartedness, joy, play, passion, bliss and vitality.

Every one of us has a unique energy/energy vibration, traits, purpose(s), gifts, talents, abilities, etc. to offer, to offer others, and contribute to the world. We all have unique goals, dreams and desires.  Blocks in our energy system can derail or make difficult, any one of these. My deepest and truest desires for EVERYONE is to live and express themselves in the deepest, truest, freest, and most authentic way possible!!

When we are young, we learn by watching, observing, and adapting to our surroundings. We are often told by our parent(s), caregivers, society, etc. who they think we are, who they think we should be, and who they want us to be, do, say, or act like. As we get older, these adaptations and beliefs can become a hindrance. We can be controlled by a belief that was learned and taught, which does not even have its origins in who we are, and how we desire to live.

As an example, I recently explored an old, worn-out belief of mine with an EFT colleague. That is, “I am only worthy, only if I am productive, and that “play” is a waste of time.” Yikes! This is a belief that I learned and took on as “truth” very early on- a learned family pattern. It was impacting me in numerous ways (which were not in line with TRUE me). This is certainly not a belief that I want to pass on to my son! I LOVE the magic and power of EFT! and Pranic Healing!! My goal is to provide a safe, compassionate, secure, and non-judgemental space for you to peel back the layers of what no longer serves you and holds you back from TRUE you….

This quote from Judith Orloff, the author of “The Empath’s Survival Guide” sums this up perfectly and resonates with me deeply:

“I’ve seen how empaths are often “chosen” to break the generational patterns of negativity in their families. They don’t necessarily volunteer for this role on a conscious level, but it’s nonetheless their destiny to fulfil it. When empaths heal themselves and say “yes” to honouring their sensitivities, they are saying “NO” to patterns of abuse, neglect, and addiction that have been repeated in their relatives. The intergenerational transmission of pain stops with them. Through their recovery and the acceptance of their gifts, empaths are the ones who can repair the greater familial whole. Mindful, conscious people are the most effective agents of change.”

Warmly,

Tamara

If you are familiar with EFT or would like to explore more about EFT, and how it can be used for Codependency, please email me, and I will send you a copy of “Codependent Beliefs, Thoughts, Feelings, and Emotions to Tap on.”

References:

  • Orloff, Judith. The Empath’s Survival Guide (pp. 207-208). Sounds True. Kindle Edition.