Healing & Understanding Codependency

Tamara Low

- Certified EFT
- Pranic Healer

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The word Codependency has various applications, descriptions and meanings. Jason Breyer describes Codependency as “a psychological and behavioural condition based on faulty programming and emotional wounds, which affects someone’s capacity to have healthy, mutually satisfying relationships.” See “What is Codependency?” for more info. When I tune in to the energy behind the word Codependency it feels (to me) dense, dark, needy, weak, taken advantage of, and flawed, broken, low-vibration, lonely, and filled with fear. I also feel shame and embarrassment. I wonder if you feel something similar? This is one of the reasons why Ross Rosenburg, the author of “The Human Magnet Syndrome” has renamed “Codependency” in his work, to “Self-Love Deficit Disorder?” I feel this term does not have the same dense energy and negative stigma attached to it. What I sense is the room or space for self- compassion, warmth, and kindness, and in growing, learning and healing, instead of self-contempt, embarrassment and shame. Self-Love Deficit Disorder calls it what it is at its core. There are many reasons for the onset of Self-Love Deficiency/Codependency. We were not born this way, it was created, which I will explore more in this article. Regardless of what we call it, there are many layers and depths that need to be addressed along the healing, wholeness and self- awareness journey. 

Early Programming/Wounded Inner Child

Christiane Northrup writes:

“As Empaths, we learned early on that we couldn’t be our true selves (and that we needed others to validate us and make us feel whole and seen) and throughout our lives- because we didn’t understand our empathic nature- we became lint rollers for the unfelt pain of others. We took on stuff that wasn’t our responsibility. And we did everything in our power to uplift others and make them feel better so that we could finally feel better too.” 

We adapt to the best of our ability to our early environment(s). As we get older we might notice these early adaptions are no longer serving us. Children with different temperaments adapt in different ways. Northrup continues by saying, we are trying desperately to “fit in”, to find any bits of conditional love, and to the best of our ability to avoid the “three archetypal wounds: shame, abandonment, and betrayal.” Our inner child is grief-stricken, confused, angry, lonely, sad, scared, feeling unlovable, etc. and as a result, our “outer experience in the world is going to re-create our wounds”, resulting in more pain. This makes us vulnerable to Narcissists, or what she calls, “Energy Vampires.” Lisa Romano echo’s something very similar, “our troubled relationships are mirrors of what is happening inside of us. Until we awaken to our own denial of self, we stay on paths of destruction with others who are also on paths of destruction.” In this way, it helps us to understand how denying our true emotions has allowed others to violate our boundaries for personal gain.

Pete Walker, in his book, “Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving”, gives this phenomena a name, he calls it “repetition compulsion” or “re-enactment.” It is where “we remain symbolically enthralled to the family by getting ensnared with narcissistic people who were just as abusive and neglectful as their parents.” This explains why we have been unconsciously drawn to certain people (that recreate our early wounds). Once we become aware of this “repetition compulsion” or “re- enactment”, we come to realize that it is not our fault and there is nothing wrong with us. It is unconscious, an adaption that deeply needs tending to and healing.

The Results of Codependency

Denying the truth of who we are in order to feel loved and safe has very steep consequences and can manifest as anxiety, depression, frustration, self-hate, self-harm, hyper sensitivity, addictions, etc. If this is not healed, Christiane Northrup says, “that the little wounded child will run your endocrine, immune, and central nervous systems until you take the time to meet her needs and stop neglecting her.” We need to take some of the concern, empathy, love, compassion, kindness, understanding and forgiving energy (that is innate in all Empaths), that we readily give to others, and offer it to our divine inner child. Self-Compassion is the key to healing. Stacy Hoch says, “if you have deep compassion for others and you do not have compassion for yourself, you do not have compassion! It is a 2 way street!” She is absolutely right!

What will happen when you begin to heal? 

As Empaths, we are so terrified to ever trigger anger or disapproval in others as we can feel their experience within our bodies. So we often make a choice to “keep other people’s egos at bay”, says Matt Khan. In doing this, we are stuck in the energetic muck. As we become more self-aware and healthy, we notice that we no longer rely on others for validation, approval, permission, etc. Some people are not going to like that they can no longer control you or impact you in this way, Lisa Romano says, “a quantum detanglement must happen (with this person), which is very uncomfortable.” Up until this point, we have made others’ opinion of us, their ideas, love, affection, acceptance, etc. such a huge part of our lives and identity. As scary, difficult, and painful as it maybe, we must learn to release and let go of these energies and patterns that do not serve us. Matt Khan writes:

“Disrespectful behavior (from others) is how souls request greater physical distance in order to spend more time getting to know themselves beyond the confines of ego. If someone is meant to interact in a way that is mutually beneficial for the evolution of both souls, their conduct will be open, honest, and respectful. If they are unable to communicate in a respectful manner, their soul is asking for physical space, even if their ego can’t stand the thought of being apart.”

Healing Embodiment and Integration

A psychological problem, such as trauma, according to Fred Gallo, results in an imbalance or disruption in our body’s energy system. This disruption may show up in various systems in your body, including the nervous system, glandular system, meridian system, and the chakra system. Further, he says, Energy Psychology techniques (such as EFT) can shift these energies and return your body’s energy system to balance influencing your health, emotions and state of mind, eliminating the problem.

Healing Codependency is a complex process. Our early attachment trauma needs to be addressed, and our inner child needs to be recognized, seen, acknowledged, heard and embraced. I encourage you to seek out the assistance of those specifically trained in assisting with this.

Our unconscious programming needs to be addressed. This includes being aware of our thoughts, beleifs and feelings about ourselves that stem from our early experiences and all that we unconsciously absorbed. Our body and behaviour also give us as clues as to what is going on deep within us. The deep shame that we feel due to this early inner wounding needs to be addressed. Our beleifs, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and body sensations are the level that I feel that EFT is a masterful accompaniment to the healing process. As Codependents, we accepted someone else’s version of who they thought we should be to please them and this has come at a cost. This is an example of something that an EFT or “Tapping” session could be done on; a step towards letting go of old programming and reconnecting with and embracing who we truly are, at our core.

Stacy Hoch says that once we have healed these inner wounds and are resonating in this place, we are too “Self -FULL” to continue taking on other people’s crap and that doesn’t make you not compassionate, it makes you sane. To which, I agree!

To new found freedom, 


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Related Articles


*Energy Therapies, such as EFT and Pranic Healing are not a substitute for professional medical, psychological or psychiatric care. 


  • Breyer, Jason. Empath – A Highly Sensitive Person – Develop your gift, use emotional intelligence to turn your high sensitivity into a superpower: Overcome negative mindsets and master your social skills . Kindle Edition. 
  • Forward, Susan. Mothers Who Can’t Love (pp. 19-20). Harper. Kindle Edition
  • Hoch, Stacy. The Empoweress- YouTube. 
  • Khan, Matt. Everything Is Here to Help You (p. 18-22, 64-65). Hay House. Kindle Edition. 
  • Northrup, Christiane. Dodging Energy Vampires (p. 123- 28). Hay House. Kindle Edition. 
  • Romano, Lisa. The Breakthrough Life Coach. YouTube. 
  • Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT, Ross. The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap . Morgan James Publishing. Kindle Edition. 
  • Walker, Pete. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (pp. 16-17). Azure Coyote Publishing. Kindle Edition. 

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Internal Exploration Questions

These questions are just for you to ponder. You can fill it out and save it for your interest if you like. They can help us to get to the root of what is keeping us from TRUE us and our most authentic expression (which can often get buried for many reasons).

Click one of the buttons below and download your fillable PDF to your desktop. You can then fill in the form on your desktop and save it or print it out. If you experience any issues while filling in your form download Abode Acrobat Reader. It is a free software to help you properly use fillable PDF forms.

Internal Exploration Questions

These questions are just for you to ponder. You can fill it out and save it for your interest if you like. They can help us to get to the root of what is keeping us from TRUE us and our most authentic expression (which can often get buried for many reasons).

Click the button below and download your fillable PDF to your desktop. You can then fill in the form on your desktop and save it or print it out. If you experience any issues while filling in your form, download Abode Acrobat Reader. It is a free software to help you properly use fillable PDF forms.

Price List


*All prices are in Canadian dollars

Codependent Free

A brief summary of Codependency (more in “Education")

Codependency is created by our attachment trauma. During the first 3 years of life we need to feel safe and secure with our parents or caregivers. Arielle Swartz says, “this allows us to develop a healthy sense of self that forms the foundation for our ability to develop meaningful, healthy relationships with others.” If we experience fear, unpredictability, uncertainty, neglect, rage, indifference, abuse, emotional unavailability, etc. the natural attachment process is disrupted, causing trauma, which can result in deep and lasting challenges for those that have experienced it (until its dealt with).

Jason Breyer describes Codependency as “a psychological and behavioural condition based on faulty programming and emotional wounds, which affects someone’s capacity to have healthy, mutually satisfying relationships.” Stacy Hoch describes Codependency as an image disorder built on the idea and belief that you should be more concerned with what others think of you than what you think of you, the idea that I do not exist without other’s validation and trying to fill inner voids vicariously by filling others. She says, for the sake of others, the Codependent harms themselves and Narcissist for the sake of themselves harms other people. If left unchecked, the pattern of Codependency may be passed from one generation to the next. See “What is Codependency?”, and “Healing and Understanding Codependency.”

Codependency Programming (but not limited to):

Codependency programming ensures that our identity, love, validation, approval, peace, and sense of safety is solely reliant on others. We falsely believe that other people and situations are responsible for our happiness or lack thereof. We completely abandon ourselves and our wounded and deeply afraid inner child(ren) for the sake of others. This can feel like an emotional, psychological, and physical prison that may come to feel like this is how things will always be, that it’s somehow our fate. In summary, its:  

-An external dependency on others for acceptance, validation, approval, and to feel good about ourselves. 

-Not having your own solid identity, becoming void of ourselves for the sake of someone else.

How it may show itself- coping mechanisms

-We seek permission from others. 

-Our self-esteem is validated by what we do and by others’ opinions of us. 

-We can struggle to meet our own needs. 

-Asserting oneself is almost impossible.

-We create behaviours that assist in denying, ignoring or preventing difficult emotions. 

-Can be very self-destructive and self-sabotaging as being self- abusive is what we were taught. 

-Codependents often isolate themselves- deep core shame and loneliness is at the heart of this.


There are many wonderful ways, tools, techniques, books, on-line videos, classes, therapies, therapists, modalities, support groups, etc. available to assist us in learning and understanding Codependency and to help heal its deep and many layers! The energetic hold of Codependency programming is strong. In order to heal, attachment trauma needs to be addressed, as well as inner child work (I encourage you to seek out those that specialize in these areas for support) and looking at and identifying deep unconscious programming, beliefs, behaviours, and thoughts. I believe that this is the level that Energy Psychology (Emotional Freedom Techniques) really shines! I am extremely passionate about assisting others in addressing the deep energetic layers of Codependency.

If you are interested in a list of, “Codependent Thoughts and Beliefs to Tap On” (Emotional Freedom Techniques can be also referred to as “Tapping”) please email me and I will send that to you.

If  you are interested in more about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse see “What is Narcissism?, “How to Understand and Identify Narcissistic Abuse”, and “Healing from Narcissistic Abuse.

**My writing is geared towards Empaths and Highly Sensitive People, but it is ultimately for anyone desiring to learn, grow, heal and explore


  • BREYER, JASON. Empath – A Highly Sensitive Person – Develop your gift, use emotional intelligence to turn your high sensitivity into a superpower: Overcome negative mindsets and master your social skills . Kindle Edition.
  • Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT, Ross. The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap . Morgan James Publishing. Kindle Edition. 
  • Schwartz, Arielle Dr. Complex PTSD and Attachment Trauma (article). Oct 2019. 

Areas of Interest, Services and Goals

Areas of Interest:

I am passionate about assisting Empaths and Highly Sensitive  People in the areas of our lives that hold us back from our TRUE selves, passions and calling(s). My goal is to:

  • Assist in removing, eliminating and clearing the energetic blocks, hurt, pain and fear that keep us from our true selves, and our hopes, goals, dreams and desires.
  • Assist others with emotional pain; including  Narcisstic Abuse, and with their unique challenges and struggles.
  • Assist others in exploring, eliminating, and dismantling old limiting patterns and belief systems that keep us stuck, hidden and in pain (eg. beliefs that we took on or were taught about ourselves as children).
  • Assist others in recognizing, identifying and healing Codependent belief systems and the multitude of ways that Codependency affects us, impacts us, impedes us, and holds us back, eg. keeping us small, hidden and invisible.
  • Offer energetic and educational support for Empaths and Highly Sensitive People.

Under “About”, see Internal Inquiry Questions, such as, “What is getting in the way of your truest and deepest expression?”, and an Internal Inquiry Questions about Codependency. 

The Ultimate Goal

Living a life that is in line with TRUE us.

Being whole, happy, energetic, vibrant, and free.

Achieving and perusing our true and deepest desires (in spite of what anyone thinks).

Reconnecting with our TRUE self and locating our TRUE- est and DEEPEST calling.

Celebrating Empathy and the gifts of High Sensitivity.  

Developing kindness, gentleness and compassion towards ourselves.

**This is a process. We can take daily steps toward achieving these goals.

My Services

I offer support  for those that desire to explore their inner world to excavate their TRUE self and their deepest and truest goals, passions and desires; for those that desire to go on an emotional wellness scavenger hunt, with the goal of cleaning the old clutter and finding the true gem that is YOU.

Pranic Psychotherapy is Pranic Healing applied in energetically preventing and treating Psychological ailments, where stress is at the root. This is where I like to focus. Pranic Healing works with the chakra system and the auric layers.

Emotional Freedom Techniques works with the meridian system to clear energetic blocks or disruptions that get in the way of our health (physical and emotional). It is one of the MOST powerful somatic (body) release techniques.

Emotional Freedom Techniques and Pranic Healing both assist in regulating our Nervous System. 


Welcome to Empathic Heart Healing

Empaths and Highly Sensitive People (HSP’s) have unique ways of experiencing, feeling, sensing, observing, perceiving, processing, and absorbing the world around them. They feel things deeply; including love, beauty and joy and also pain, hurt, and sorrow.

Emotional pain or struggle is a block or disruption in our body’s energy system and can stem from countless places, unique to you and your situation. My passion to assist Empaths and HSP’s in understanding, accessing, and releasing the root cause (feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and emotions) of the energy block(s) or disturbances. Codependency, is just one manifestation of emotional pain, and an example of how our TRUE selves can get buried, or hidden (at the beginning of our lives), and stay this way until it is safe to re-emerge.

Other avenues might be narcissistic abuse, heartache/hearttbreak, infertility, low self- esteem, rejection (initially from others- and then towards ourselves), neglect, and you can  insert your experience(s) here. When we are in emotional pain, there are corresponding feelings such as shame, sadness, grief, guilt, fear, loneliness, anger, isolation, and despair, just to name a few. Our body gives us clues through feelings and sensations as to what is happening within us as well as how we feel around others and in certain environments.

Emotional Freedom Techniques, also called EFT, or “Tapping” can assist us in identifying, releasing, clearing, and healing the energetic and emotional blocks, beliefs, fears, and barriers that limit us and keep us stuck, small, and hidden, so that we can access and get re-in touch with our deepest, fullest, truest and most authentic expression- as well as deep inner peace, vibrant health, light-heartedness, joy, play, passion, bliss and vitality.

Every one of us has a unique energy/energy vibration, traits, purpose(s), gifts, talents, abilities, etc. to offer, to offer others, and contribute to the world. We all have unique goals, dreams and desires.  Blocks in our energy system can derail or make difficult, any one of these. My deepest and truest desires for EVERYONE is to live and express themselves in the deepest, truest, freest, and most authentic way possible!!

When we are young we learn by watching, observing, and adapting to our surroundings. We are often told by our parent(s), caregivers, society, etc. who they think we are, who they think that we should be, and who they want us to be, do, say, or act like. As we get older these adaptations and beliefs can become a hindrance. We can be controlled by a belief that was learned and taught, which does not even have its origins in who we are, and how we desire to live.

As an example, I recently explored an old, worn out belief of mine with an EFT colleague. That is, “I am only worthy, only if I am being productive, and that “play” is a waste of time.” Yikes! This is a belief that I learned and took on as “truth” very early on- a learned family pattern. It was impacting me in numerous ways (which were not in line with TRUE me). This is certainly not a belief that I want to pass on to my son! I LOVE the magic and power of EFT! and Pranic Healing!! My goal is to provide a safe, compassionate, secure, and non- judgemental space for you to peel back the layers of what no longer serves you and holds you back from TRUE you….

This quote from Judith Orloff, the author of “The Empath’s Survival Guide” sums this up perfectly and resonates with me deeply:

“I’ve seen how empaths are often “chosen” to break the generational patterns of negativity in their families. They don’t necessarily volunteer for this role on a conscious level, but it’s nonetheless their destiny to fulfill it. When empaths heal themselves and say “yes” to honouring their sensitivities, they are saying “NO” to patterns of abuse, neglect, and addiction that have been repeated in their relatives. The intergenerational transmission of pain stops with them. Through their recovery and the acceptance of their gifts, empaths are the ones who can repair the greater familial whole. Mindful, conscious people are the most effective agents of change.”



If you are familiar with EFT, or you would like to explore more about EFT, and how it can be used for Codependency, please email me and I will send you a copy of “Codependent Beliefs, Thoughts, Feelings, and Emotions to Tap on.”


  • Orloff, Judith. The Empath’s Survival Guide (pp. 207-208). Sounds True. Kindle Edition.