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Healing From Narcissistic Abuse

Tamara Low

- Certified EFT
- Pranic Healer

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This a follow up article to “How to Understand and Identify Narcissistic Abuse?”

The Codependent and the Narcissist both harbour inner wounds at their core, as we see in “What is Narcissism?” and in “What is Codependency?” At this time, I would like to focus more on the Codependent’s inner wounds and why and how it’s so easy to be swayed, influenced, impacted, and harmed by those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (and other Cluster B’ types). This article also includes learning about the energetics of “energy vampires” in our lives, and steps and suggestions towards healing.  

Codependency- Inner Child Wounds

Codependents become disassociated from their “inner trauma child” because during the childhood critical attachment phase, they were so deeply hurt and gaslit, writes Ross Rosenburg, and as protection, and in the attempts to keep the person safe, the brain hermetically seals the trauma. In other words, it is kept away from our awareness. Also, as a child, they had to suspend their own ideas, feelings, and perceptions for someone else, to be loved, and this caused them to “disappear.”

The body is the voice of that child, and your body’s memories are the doorway to which we can remember and free our inner child(ren) continues Ross Rosenburg. The memories are not meant to come back unless you are in a safe place. Body (somatic) memories can be safely accessed and processed through Emotional Freedom Techniques. EFT Trainer, Craig Weiner, calls EFT one of the most powerful somatic (body) release techniques. I agree!

Meredith Miller says until we are healed, our nervous system is programmed to recognize abuse as love and home; therefore, we will often attract “the pull of familiarity”; those with a similar energy, frequency and vibration to those that harmed us. She says, “until you train your nervous system otherwise and break the trauma bond with the original abuser, you will try to resolve past lessons of abuse with new abusive people.” Cognitive dissonance (confusion) keeps us stuck, as, on the one hand, this person is abusive and controlling, and on the other hand, they show intermittent acts of kindness. This can cause the mind to forget the abusive parts (abuse amnesia).

The Energetic Impact Behind Narcissistic Abuse- Psychic Vampires 

A lot takes place on an energetic, “unseen” level, between a Codependent and a Narcissist. Ross Rosenburg describes “the plane of reality” between Codependents and Narcissists as vibrational in nature. If someone is not aware of the life force energy of Source, says Matt Khan, they are more apt to try and plug into you as their energy source. This has been termed “energy vampirism.” Susan Shumsky describes this as “a quality of weakness in others, and that weakness feeds on your strength and light. They demand your attention, love, time, and life force” and as a result, they drain your energy and suck it dry.

A person that has a weak, collapsed, or punctured aura is particularly susceptible to psychic (or energy) vampires (as well as lower energies, difficult experiences, mental illness, and disease) as you cannot energetically protect yourself from being drained (Shumsky).

The spiritual layer (of our aura) says Diane Kathrine, is connected to all of the chakras but predominantly the throat, third eye and crown chakras. It is thought that this is the layer that energy vampires attach themselves to when they drain energy. Dr Ramani Durvasula says energy vampires also suck out whatever security or sense of self they have and leaves them completely insecure.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse 

To heal from Narcissistic Abuse, I believe that first and foremost, we need to adopt deep kindness and compassion for ourselves and all that we have been though. We need to feel safe in our physical and emotional environments.

In the case of Codependency, our early attachment trauma needs to be addressed, and our inner child needs to be recognized, seen, acknowledged, heard and embraced. I encourage you to seek out the assistance of those specifically trained in assisting with this. Our unconscious programming needs to be addressed. This includes being aware of our thoughts, beliefs and feelings about ourselves that stem from our early experiences and all that we unconsciously absorbed. Our body and behaviour also give us as clues to what is going on deep within us. The deep shame that we feel due to this early inner wounding needs to be addressed.

Our beliefs, thoughts, feelings, emotions and body sensations are the level where I feel that EFT (emotional freedom technique) is a masterful accompaniment in the healing process! We unconsciously accepted someone else’s version of who they thought we should be, to please them. In releasing and letting go of old programming, we can learn who we truly are at our core.

Lisa Romano says, “when you are abused as a child, it is impossible to learn how to set boundaries for the self, because being ignored, neglected or abused had been the norm, the brain has no template for how to protect the divine inner child because our feelings have never mattered, our brain has no data for healthy boundaries.” On our healing journey, this becomes essential to learn. Having healthy boundaries allows us to release or let go of anyone that is not able to treat us kindly, honestly and respectfully.

We often take on blame (and beat ourselves up) for things that are not our fault, such as getting involved or entangled “with someone who used our beautiful traits against us”, says Debbie Mirza. They are master manipulators that could fool just about anyone. Healing at its deepest level ensures that we attract healthy, kind, balanced, honest, truthful and respectful people into our lives.

End Summary

We are empathic and sensitive beings that developed adaptive strategies that resulted in covering up who we are. Susan Forward says you have been wounded, not ruined, and great wisdom can come from your wounds: compassion, empathy, a sensitive barometer that lets you know when people are mistreating you. We then take ALL of our new understandings, wisdom, and awareness into our lives and live our authentic truth. That is a powerful thing! There is a quote from Judith Orloff that deeply resonates with me, “as an Empath, you are part of a counter-cultural revolution to put what is humane back into humanity.” We are all in this together, and our healing is also of deep benefit to others, and the planet that we all share!

To the power of embodying and fully embracing our TRUE selves,

Tamara

Please see the contact page if you would like to let me know what you thought about this article, or if you are interested in receiving Empathic Heart Healing’s articles/blogs/newsletters or joining the Facebook page. Thank you.

Related Articles


References:

  • Durvasula, Ramani S. “Don’t you know who I am?” How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility (p 11). Post Hill Press. 2019. 
  • Forward, Susan. Mothers Who Can’t Love (pp. 33-34, 50, 132). Harper. Kindle Edition. 
  • Kathrine, Diane. How to Heal Leaky Aura Syndrome. 2017 and Diane Kathrine’s Empaths Empowered Blog-  Are you a Narcissist Target?
  • Miller, Meredith. Inner Integrations. YouTube.
  • Mirza, Debbie. The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse (30). Safe Place Publishing. Kindle Edition. 
  • Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT, Ross. The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap. Morgan James Publishing. Kindle Edition. 
  • Shumsky, Susan G. Exploring Auras (page 149, 155, 174). New Page Books. 2006. Page 
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Internal Exploration Questions
General

These questions are just for you to ponder. You can fill it out and save it for your interest if you like. They can help us to get to the root of what is keeping us from TRUE us and our most authentic expression (which can often get buried for many reasons).

Click one of the buttons below and download your fillable PDF to your desktop. You can then fill in the form on your desktop and save it or print it out. If you experience any issues while filling in your form download Abode Acrobat Reader. It is a free software to help you properly use fillable PDF forms.

Internal Exploration Questions

Internal Exploration Questions
Codependency

These questions are just for you to ponder. You can fill it out and save it for your interest if you like. They can help us to get to the root of what is keeping us from TRUE us and our most authentic expression (which can often get buried for many reasons).

Click the button below and download your fillable PDF to your desktop. You can then fill in the form on your desktop and save it or print it out. If you experience any issues while filling in your form, download Abode Acrobat Reader. It is a free software to help you properly use fillable PDF forms.

Codependency Questionnaire

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You can choose either in-person, or video chat (Zoom/Skype) when booking your online appointment.

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You can choose either in-person, or from a distance when booking your online appointment.

 

*All prices are in Canadian dollars

Codependent Free

A brief summary of Codependency (more in “Education")

Codependency is created by our attachment trauma. During the first 3 years of life, we need to feel safe and secure with our parents or caregivers. Arielle Swartz says, “this allows us to develop a healthy sense of self that forms the foundation for our ability to develop meaningful, healthy relationships with others.” If we experience fear, unpredictability, uncertainty, neglect, rage, indifference, abuse, emotional unavailability, etc., the natural attachment process is disrupted, causing trauma, resulting in deep and lasting challenges for those that have experienced it (until it’s dealt with).

Jason Breyer describes Codependency as “a psychological and behavioural condition based on faulty programming and emotional wounds, which affects someone’s capacity to have healthy, mutually satisfying relationships.” Stacy Hoch describes Codependency as an image disorder built on the idea and belief that you should be more concerned with what others think of you than what you think of you, the idea that I do not exist without others’ validation and trying to fill inner voids vicariously by filling others. She says, for others’ sake, the Codependent harms themselves and Narcissist for the sake of themselves harm other people. If left unchecked, the pattern of Codependency may be passed from one generation to the next. See “What is Codependency?”, and “Healing and Understanding Codependency.”

Codependency Programming (but not limited to):

Codependency programming ensures that our identity, love, validation, approval, peace, and sense of safety is solely reliant on others. We falsely believe that other people and situations are responsible for our happiness or lack thereof. We completely abandon ourselves and our wounded and deeply afraid inner child(ren) for the sake of others. This can feel like an emotional, psychological, and physical prison that may come to feel like this is how things will always be, that it’s somehow our fate. In summary, its:  

-An external dependency on others for acceptance, validation, approval, and to feel good about ourselves. 

-Not having your own solid identity, becoming void of ourselves for the sake of someone else.

How it may show itself- coping mechanisms

-We seek permission from others. 

-Our self-esteem is validated by what we do and by others’ opinions of us. 

-We can struggle to meet our own needs. 

-Asserting oneself is almost impossible.

-We create behaviours that assist in denying, ignoring or preventing difficult emotions. 

-Can be very self-destructive and self-sabotaging as being self-abusive is what we were taught. 

-Codependents often isolate themselves- deep core shame and loneliness is at the heart of this.

Healing

There are many wonderful ways, tools, techniques, books, online videos, classes, therapies, therapists, modalities, support groups, etc. available to assist us in learning and understanding Codependency and to help heal its deep and many layers! The energetic hold of Codependency programming is strong. To heal, attachment trauma needs to be addressed and inner child work (I encourage you to seek out those that specialize in these areas for support) and identify deep unconscious programming, beliefs, behaviours, and thoughts. I believe that this is the level that Energy Psychology (Emotional Freedom Techniques) really shines! I am extremely passionate about assisting others in addressing the deep energetic layers of Codependency.

If you are interested in a list of, “Codependent Thoughts and Beliefs to Tap On” (Emotional Freedom Techniques can be also referred to as “Tapping”) please email me and I will send that to you.

If  you are interested in more about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse see “What is Narcissism?, “How to Understand and Identify Narcissistic Abuse”, and “Healing from Narcissistic Abuse.“

**My writing is geared towards Empaths and Highly Sensitive People, but it is ultimately for anyone desiring to learn, grow, heal and explore

References:

  • BREYER, JASON. Empath – A Highly Sensitive Person – Develop your gift, use emotional intelligence to turn your high sensitivity into a superpower: Overcome negative mindsets and master your social skills . Kindle Edition.
  • Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT, Ross. The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap . Morgan James Publishing. Kindle Edition. 
  • Schwartz, Arielle Dr. Complex PTSD and Attachment Trauma (article). Oct 2019. 

Areas of Interest, Services and Goals

Areas of Interest:

I am passionate about assisting Empaths and Highly Sensitive  People in the areas of our lives that hold us back from our TRUE selves, passions and calling(s). My goal is to:

  • Assist in removing, eliminating and clearing the energetic blocks, hurt, pain and fear that keep us from our true selves, and our hopes, goals, dreams and desires.
  • Assist others with emotional pain; including  Narcissistic Abuse, and with their unique challenges and struggles.
  • Assist others in exploring, eliminating, and dismantling old limiting patterns and belief systems that keep us stuck, hidden and in pain (e.g. beliefs that we took on or were taught about ourselves as children).
  • Assist others in recognizing, identifying and healing Codependent belief systems and the multitude of ways that Codependency affects us, impacts us, impedes us, and holds us back, e.g. keeping us small, hidden and invisible.
  • Offer energetic and educational support for Empaths and Highly Sensitive People.

Under “About”, see Internal Inquiry Questions, such as, “What is getting in the way of your truest and deepest expression?”, and an Internal Inquiry Questions about Codependency. 

The Ultimate Goal

Living a life that is in line with TRUE us.

Being whole, happy, energetic, vibrant, and free.

Achieving and perusing our true and deepest desires (despite what anyone thinks).

Reconnecting with our TRUE self and locating our TRUE- est and DEEPEST calling.

Celebrating Empathy and the gifts of High Sensitivity.  

Developing kindness, gentleness and compassion towards ourselves.

**This is a process. We can take daily steps toward achieving these goals.

My Services

I offer support for those that desire to explore their inner world to excavate their TRUE self and their deepest and truest goals, passions and desires; for those that desire to go on an emotional wellness scavenger hunt, to clean the old clutter and find the true gem that is YOU.

Pranic Psychotherapy is Pranic Healing applied in energetically preventing and treating Psychological ailments, where stress is at the root. This is where I like to focus on. Pranic Healing works with the chakra system and the auric layers.

Emotional Freedom Techniques works with the meridian system to clear energetic blocks or disruptions that get in the way of our health (physical and emotional). It is one of the MOST powerful somatic (body) release techniques.

Emotional Freedom Techniques and Pranic Healing both assist in regulating our Nervous System. 

Welcome to Empathic Heart Healing

Empaths and Highly Sensitive People (HSP’s) have unique ways of experiencing, feeling, sensing, observing, perceiving, processing, and absorbing the world. They feel things deeply; including love, beauty and joy, pain, hurt, and sorrow.

Emotional pain or struggle is a block or disruption in our body’s energy system and can stem from countless places, unique to you and your situation. My passion is to assist Empaths and HSP’s in understanding, accessing and releasing the root cause (feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and emotions) of the energy block(s) or disturbances. Codependency is just one manifestation of emotional pain, an example of how our TRUE selves can get buried, hidden (at the beginning of our lives), and stay this way until it is safe to re-emerge.

Other avenues might be narcissistic abuse, heartache/heartbreak, infertility, low self-esteem, rejection (initially from others- and then towards ourselves), neglect, and you can insert your experience(s) here. When we are in emotional pain, there are corresponding feelings such as shame, sadness, grief, guilt, fear, loneliness, anger, isolation, and despair, to name a few. Our body gives us clues through feelings and sensations about what is happening within us and how we feel around others and in certain environments.

Emotional Freedom Techniques, also called EFT, or “Tapping” can assist us in identifying, releasing, clearing, and healing the energetic and emotional blocks, beliefs, fears, and barriers that limit us and keep us stuck, small, and hidden, so that we can access and get re-in touch with our deepest, fullest, truest and most authentic expression- as well as deep inner peace, vibrant health, light-heartedness, joy, play, passion, bliss and vitality.

Every one of us has a unique energy/energy vibration, traits, purpose(s), gifts, talents, abilities, etc. to offer, to offer others, and contribute to the world. We all have unique goals, dreams and desires.  Blocks in our energy system can derail or make difficult, any one of these. My deepest and truest desires for EVERYONE is to live and express themselves in the deepest, truest, freest, and most authentic way possible!!

When we are young, we learn by watching, observing, and adapting to our surroundings. We are often told by our parent(s), caregivers, society, etc. who they think we are, who they think we should be, and who they want us to be, do, say, or act like. As we get older, these adaptations and beliefs can become a hindrance. We can be controlled by a belief that was learned and taught, which does not even have its origins in who we are, and how we desire to live.

As an example, I recently explored an old, worn-out belief of mine with an EFT colleague. That is, “I am only worthy, only if I am productive, and that “play” is a waste of time.” Yikes! This is a belief that I learned and took on as “truth” very early on- a learned family pattern. It was impacting me in numerous ways (which were not in line with TRUE me). This is certainly not a belief that I want to pass on to my son! I LOVE the magic and power of EFT! and Pranic Healing!! My goal is to provide a safe, compassionate, secure, and non-judgemental space for you to peel back the layers of what no longer serves you and holds you back from TRUE you….

This quote from Judith Orloff, the author of “The Empath’s Survival Guide” sums this up perfectly and resonates with me deeply:

“I’ve seen how empaths are often “chosen” to break the generational patterns of negativity in their families. They don’t necessarily volunteer for this role on a conscious level, but it’s nonetheless their destiny to fulfil it. When empaths heal themselves and say “yes” to honouring their sensitivities, they are saying “NO” to patterns of abuse, neglect, and addiction that have been repeated in their relatives. The intergenerational transmission of pain stops with them. Through their recovery and the acceptance of their gifts, empaths are the ones who can repair the greater familial whole. Mindful, conscious people are the most effective agents of change.”

Warmly,

Tamara

If you are familiar with EFT or would like to explore more about EFT, and how it can be used for Codependency, please email me, and I will send you a copy of “Codependent Beliefs, Thoughts, Feelings, and Emotions to Tap on.”

References:

  • Orloff, Judith. The Empath’s Survival Guide (pp. 207-208). Sounds True. Kindle Edition.